18 May 2026

The recent surge in legal separations, highlighted by over 2 000 divorce cases filed at the Gaborone High Court, has sparked a national conversation about stability of the modern family unit.

Tsabong UCCSA resident minister and also a seasoned marriage counsellor Pastor Kabelo Mantaga, suggests that while the numbers are alarming, they reflect a complex shift in how society views and maintains the sacred institution of marriage.

According to Pastor Mantaga, the devaluation of marriage does not necessarily mean it is losing its intrinsic worth, but rather that its traditional foundations are being tested by modern pressures and shifting societal expectations.

One of the primary drivers behind this trend is the changing landscape of social acceptance and economic independence.

In the past, many individuals remained in unions for survival or due to the heavy stigma associated with separation. Today, however, people are choosing to enter and exit marriages more carefully, often prioritising personal happiness, equality, and emotional fulfillment over mere tradition, Pastor Mantaga highlighted.

Pastor Mantaga notes that the question is not whether marriage has lost value, but whether it is still valued in God’s way, emphasising that when marriage is treated as a sacred covenant rather than a simple contract, it requires a level of sacrifice and faithfulness that modern culture often deems optional.

The influence of technology and social media has also emerged as a significant catalyst for marital instability. The ease of connecting with others outside the marriage, combined with the constant exposure to curated ‘couple goals’ online, can lead to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and temptation.

Pastor Mantaga warns that if one thinks their spouse looks boring next to the curated version of someone else’s life, can drive partners to seek emotional connection elsewhere when they feel unseen at home.

He advises couples to build set practical boundaries, such as sharing passwords for accountability and avoiding private messaging with the opposite sex late at night.

He added that cultural practices, such as payment of bogadi or dowry also play a dual role in the current climate. He says while traditionally intended to unite families and demonstrate serious intention, the commercialisation of the bride price can sometimes weaken a relationship by creating financial strain or harmful power dynamics.

Pastor Mantaga explains that commitment in marriage cannot be sustained by payment of lobola or tradition alone, noting that emotional maturity and shared values are the true pillars that hold a union together.

Furthermore, he says there is a noted disconnect in current pre-marital counselling methods, which often focus on theoretical ideals rather than practical life skills. Many couples enter marriage unprepared for the realities of managing finances, handling in-laws, or navigating conflict.

Pastor Mantaga also points out that men, in particular, often struggle to seek help early due to societal pressures to remain self-reliant and emotionally controlled. He emphasises that for counseling to be effective, it must be an ongoing process that provides a safe space for honest, difficult conversations before a relationship reaches a breaking point.

Joining the conversation from a traditional perspective, Kgosi Phenyo Maruping of Legonono Ward in Tsabong shares similar sentiments regarding the hurdles facing 21st-century unions.

Dealing with domestic disputes at his kgotla, Kgosi Maruping reveals that a primary grievance among couples is lack of transparency.

He notes that many marriages reach a breaking point when wives discover their husbands have fathered children out of wedlock, supporting them secretly and without their consent.

This breach of trust, according to Kgosi Maruping, is a leading cause of marital breakdown and subsequent divorce in the region.

Kgosi Maruping also identified government’s transfer of officers as a significant structural threat to marital stability. 

He observes that when partners are stationed in different locations for work, the physical distance often leads to emotional detachment, with some partners moving on to new relationships.

He urged the government to consider policies that keep married couples in close proximity to safeguard the family unit.

To address these issues, Kgosi Maruping encouraged men to form their own support groups or societies, similar to women’s metshelo or stokvels.

Such groups he says will create a platform for open dialogue, allowing men to share their struggles and find solutions among peers, helping them to open up rather than suffer in silence.ENDS