28 May 2015

In the holy Bible, marriage is portrayed as a union in which a man leaves his mother and father so that he and his wife can become one.

However, the high rate of divorce in the country seems to be negating this. Dikgosi, as tribal leaders, are equally concerned as the vows of ‘till death doeth us apart’ nowadays are only recited to honour the process of marriage while their true meaning is never upheld.

Some dikgosi in Maun believe Western culture has had an impact in the way Batswana treat marriage. They said the value of marriage was diminishing because people marry to fulfill their selfish desires. They do not take time to know each other.

“They lament that people make the mistake to fall for the skin instead of inner beauty,” says Kgosi Marumo Rogers. Kgosi Rogers of Thito ward in Maun explained that to many people marriage was just for convenience sake and a materialistic union and that people would move out once they get what they wanted.

He said in such a scenario, there was no commitment because there was never a marriage in the first place. “That is why in some marriages some deny their partners conjugal rights,” he notes. 

The traditional leader said women were the most affected in divorce cases as they were overwhelmed with the burden of taking care of children. Kgosi Rogers underscored the importance of couples knowing each other before committing to marriage instead of marrying for social or economic reasons.

He emphasised the need for consultation in decision making and to be transparent with each other, saying some men had a tendency of living secret lives where they own property without the knowledge of their spouses.

Kgosi Rogers said in the past, parents were supportive to both partners hence the divorce rate was low unlike today where parents would side with their children whenever there was a misunderstanding.

He reckons that despite the alarming rate of divorce, traditional leaders were making efforts to sensitize couples about the importance of marriage. He said they provide pre counselling to couples.

Kgosi Rogers also called for more seminars on marriage and the need for strong family bonds besides supportive family members who look out for each other. He said divorce does not only affect couples but children and parents as well.

Another traditional leader who is also a pastor at Church of Christ, Pastor Bendu looks at marriage from a Christian perspective. He said the Bible was against divorce according to Matthew 19:6 which says “so they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate.

He describes marriage as a holy union which people should respect. However, he said it was unfortunate that since the late 20th century, major social changes in Western countries have led to changes in the demographics of marriage, with the age for first marriage increasing, fewer people marrying and more couples choosing to cohabit rather than marry.

Pastor Bendu said in church, family breakups were a cause for concern and that the problem was not ebbing as shown by the continuing rise of divorce cases. He revealed that some divorce cases were dissolution of relatively new marriages as if vows seemed not to carry any value and the sanctity they once represented.

Pastor Bendu said it was disturbing to find some Christian couples in dysfunctional marriages. He reckoned that some couples live in the same house but in separate rooms, and that when they come to church they pretend all is fine.

He said Biblically there must be love, honesty, understanding, open communication, give and take, sharing of chores, forgiveness and caring. ENDS