27 Nov 2013

During their formative years, the Goveya sisters had fantasies typical of any young girl.

They dreamt that one day a prince charming will come and whisk them away in a daze of romance, and they would live happily ever after in a majestic palace. Little did they know that their fantasy will never come true, instead their prince charmings would turn out to be abusive individuals who beat them up and broke their hearts instead of smothering them with love.

The elder of the two sisters, Lydia Goveya, narrated her ordeal on Tuesday, November 26 at the launch of activities lined up for the 16 days of activism against gender based violence. She had listened intently and remained stoic as different speakers told the story of their abuse, occasionally betraying a sense of emotion with a grimace or a little shake of the head.

When her turn came, she held all the attendants spell bound as she narrated her horrendous ordeal at the hands of her Christian lover man. The 38-year-old Lydia bears the scars of her abusive relationship, both in her body and in her heart.

Hers had been a topsy-turvy encounter with useless men who mostly cheated on her and paid more attention to alcohol. She met her prince charming in 2010. He was the ideal man, a staunch Christian who did not drink and lived life on the straight and narrow.

As the relationship blossomed, he convinced her that they should both move to Molapowabojang as a way of cutting rental costs. Little did she know that her husband was luring her to hell, where he would torture and abuse her away from the view of her relatives and family members.

In Molapowabojang, the God fearing man changed into a monster. He did not want her family members to visit and when they did, she was barred from giving them food. If she disobeyed his orders he would beat her up.

It was a shameful and degrading punishment because he would strip her naked and beat her outside the house as their neighbours watched. As is always the case in abusive relationships, she kept her ordeal to herself and never told anyone at home.

In her private thoughts, she created excuses for her abusive lover and convinced herself that she must hold on and give him a chance because he would change in due course. “He abused me, but I loved him so much,” said Lydia.

He started cheating on her and left her in Molapowabojang to spend weekends with his girlfriend in Gaborone. If Lydia raised any complaints she was guaranteed of a beating. The man of God had turned into a monster.

He demanded sex even when Lydia was having her periods. She dreaded her monthly period because she would get beaten up and abused for failing to provide her man with sex. After two years, Lydia finally decided that enough is enough and ended the relationship.

But he never gave up; he stalked her and threatened her. She was able to survive after she sought counseling, and she is now an independent woman who operates a successful catering company. Her abusive lover has since died, but life goes on for Lydia.

Lydia’s younger sister, Tshepang, also suffered the same abuse from her lover. She left everyone with mouths agape when she told them how she discharged herself from hospital and went back to her lover, who had put her in hospital after stabbing her on the back with a knife.

Tshepang, 36, said she met her lover in 2002. She was madly in love with the man. Against her mother’s advice, she moved from her family home and went to live with him. Once he had her tucked up in his lair, the abuse started. “The more he hit me the more I loved him. I was completely beholden to the man,” she said.

Worse still, Tshepang was unemployed and depended on her abusive lover. The beatings got worse and in 2004 he broke her right arm. She had an eight month old baby at the time, and he came home with wild accusations that she was cheating on him. A fight ensued and he broke her arm.

“My nine year old daughter often asks me what happened to my arm, and that breaks my heart,” she said. She finally decided to end the relationship and return to her family home. Though she is currently unemployed, Tshepang is busy picking up the pieces and starting a new life without abuse and over dependence on her partner.

“What happened to these two women happens to many others all over the country. Women are somehow scared to share their ordeal, but they suffer emotional and physical abuse all the time,” said Ms Boingotlo Gupta, Director of Bomme Isago Association.

She called for more engagement of men on issues of gender based violence. Ms Gupta, who also survived a 12 year abusive relationship, also encouraged the church to lend support to victims of abuse.

Rev. Edwin Pheko of African Methodist Episcopal Church concurred, and announced that churches in Lobatse have formed a coalition to fight GBV.  ENDS