03 Mar 2021

One author once said ‘success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate but through being the right mate’.

The statement resonates well with Mr John Benn and his wife, Angelina who tied the knot in 52 years ago. 

The couple is so deeply in love and cherish every moment together just like the newly wed youthful couple.

Those close to the family describe the couple as a reference of a healthy marriage and wish youthful couples could learn from them to build strong marriages.

In an interview with Mr Benn, shared that consultation, forgiveness, respect, love were some of the recipes that kept their marriage strong and intact.

He defined marriage as a precious gift from God stating that people should first appreciate that God initiated it for a purpose but expressed frustration that some people enter into relationships/marriages for wealth and money which was not the case in their family.

He described marriage as a life term exercise not a contract which one could terminate if he/she feels like, adding that many people did not understand the meaning and importance of marriage hence the high divorce rate and social ills such as passion killings.

The 81- year- old revealed that he married his wife when she was 17 years old because she saw a diamond, a life partner adding that he did not waste time but sent his uncles to her family to do the necessary processes.

He explained that during their time they respected tradition and Setswana culture unlike today where people had been carried away by the Western culture hence marriage failures.

Western culture, he said did not involve parents hence marriages did not last. He also stated that in the past, issues of gender based violence were very rare because people recognised marriage as serious commitment.

Mr Benn also stated that cheating was rare during the olden days because elderly men reprimanded them if they noticed mischievous act, which motivated them to be faithful and trustworthy to their partners hence they managed to survive the hardships. 

However, he acknowledged that marriage had its own ups and downs. 

He said his marriage survived the challenges through commitment, love, sacrifice and mutual respect .

He highlighted that spending quality time together as a couple was also ideal in order for marriage to work. 

“Any relationship requires intentional quality time together and it is disturbing that nowadays, most couples spend most of their time at clubs and bars without communicating,” he added.

Mr Benn said that was a clear indication that such couples entered into marriage/relationship for wrong reasons.

He said partners in a healthy marriage communicate as much as possible, discuss hopes, dreams, fears and anxieties.

Ms Benn concurred that marriage was a decision requiring committment through the ups and downs, the good and the bad. 

“When things are going well commitment is easy but true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life,” she added.

She revealed that their marriage has been as sweet and satisfying as she always dreamed it would be. 

Her husband, she said, was her best friend, with whom she  shared moments and made memories.

“I feel incredibly blessed to be wedded to such an amazing and romantic man. Honesty and trust, has become the foundation for everything in our successful marriage,” she said.

Ms Benn said prayer and consultation helped them conquer challenges, noting that essential building block of a healthy marriage was the ability to admit that one was not perfect, that she/he could make mistakes.

She also stated that sexual faithfulness required self- discipline adding some marriages fail because of cheating. 

Ms Benn popularly known as Mma Wendy noted that their marriage survived because they were guided by the elders.

The couple, which has been blessed with three children, is doing its best to be a role model to their children. Ends