08 Apr 2019

As more women re-define their roles in marriage and contribute to the never ending conversation of what a woman’s role is in her man’s life, author, life coach and motivational speaker, Ms Ashley Thaba seems to have nailed what it is to be a married woman.

In an interview, Ms Thaba said the Bible indicated that God originally created women to be men’s helpmates.

“Genesis 2:18:18 says “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” she said, adding that to prevent loneliness, God gave him the gift of a woman.

The question, Ms Thaba said, was whether this was still relevant in today’s feminist world.

“Should a woman still play the role of helpmate to her husband?” she quizzed.

She noted that she and her husband had been doing marriage counselling and leading marriage seminars for over 15 years and observed something that may not be 'politically correct'.

She said even though it may make sense for a woman to do her thing and let the man do his thing, most of the time that did not lead to the fulfillment they thought it would.

“I have come to believe that a woman finds fulfillment in supporting her husband. And I have seen over and over when a woman supports her husband, he will appreciate her, admire her, and desire to be faithful to her.  The man who finds his wife is a best friend, a life companion, a lover, a good mother to his children, a business partner will think twice before sleeping around with another woman. He would be a fool to lose such an invaluable gift as her,” continued Ms Thaba.

She said work, hobbies and other time draining events separated spouses and before they knew it, they would be leading parallel lives.

“So what can you do? Learn to be his helpmate. Take that step of faith according to Biblical wisdom. Choose to submit and serve even when your logic says he didn’t do xyz to or for me, so he does not deserve my respect. Or I do not like the farm or football or whatever occupies his time and mind so I do not want to accompany him,” she said.

She urged most couples to take a cue from her own experience, saying she was an avid gardener who made sure her family ate organic food, out of their yard, 365 days a year despite the fact they had a tiny urban plot.

She said her husband then dreamed of owning a farm and after years of dreaming, she finally freed him to use their savings to invest into developing a farm.

“Honestly it is hard work and not what I would choose.  I find the returns are too slow on the amount of money and time we have to spend to run it, but the Bible says I am created to be his help mate,” she said.

“We are also selling grafted mango trees, so that means carrying trees to a point my 11-year-old daughter actually had a blister and mundane hours spent watering each tree with a cup. But we do it as a family.

When the sun goes down, one child is holding a cell phone for light because the farm has no electricity - there we are, the Thabas, working under the moonlight, and somehow, when we do it together, it makes this tedious farm work fun and bonding for us.

This is no longer my husband’s thing but our family project,” said Ms Thaba.

Some women, she said, spent their weekends at the cattle post but did not accompany them because the cattle post was not their thing.

“Let me tell you. Your man is your thing.  So honestly, in my humble opinion it does not matter if you like it.  If you like him, then walk with him, share life and dreams,” she said.

Ms Thaba advised married women to find out what their husbands dreamed and help fulfill the dreams.

“Find out what stresses him and ask how you can alleviate some of that stress. Be his cheerleader. Believe in him. Praise him. Love him. Support him”.

She said a woman chose to marry a man, meaning there was a point where she decided to walk through life with him and a woman should not let the pressures of life derail her from the dreams of their youthful love. ENDS