20 Mar 2018

Anyone who lost a partner will agree that there are no words to fully express how painful, challenging, and lonely the long journey to learning to live again can be.

The death of a spouse is rated among the most stressful life events a person can experience.  

It can affect one’s health, wellbeing, sense of meaning and purpose and cause us to question what we have always believed and create great disappointment and depression as what we dreamed did not come to pass. 

Our reactions to such devastation and loss vary greatly for a good reason.  We might cope well in other areas and not so well in others.  The only remedy for grief is to grieve. 

This is why Mmamotse Glow Events, a women empowerment strategists organisation, organised a one-day workshop for widowed women dubbed ‘The Widows meet up event’ which was a time for widows to gather and share in joy, and pain, and how to journey toward wholeness together. 

Batswana widowed women,  ranging in age from their late 20s to late 70s, came to the event at Notwane farms with one purpose - to help those on the evolving journey of widowhood, to spend a day sharing life stories, as well as how to rebuild their lives after the death of a partner. 

Tears, laughter and new friendships were forged at workshop themed Weathering the Storms, a successful event that made an impact in the lives of many.

The workshop catered for every type of widowed: whether they lost a spouse to illness, sudden death, addiction or suicide; whether they were married, not legally married or in a cohabitation relationship.

Guest speaker and transformational Reciter, Gorata Moshaga explained that it was an opportunity for widowed women to experience camaraderie with others who have also suffered a loss of their partner.

Lecturing on the topic Weathering the Storm, Moshaga said losing a partner was not an easy thing to cope with because when it happens it is as if hell broke loose. 

“The death of your partner is a strange and a challenging experience that refuses to heal in the minds of many,” she added.

Moshaga, who is also widowed, advised other women who lost their partners to be strong when going through such challenges as rejection in order to make peace with themselves. 

She explained that because society was sick and wicked, widowed women should turn to God because God has a soft spot for them, adding that there is no health without mental health, hence they need professional counselling in order to heal. 

Another speaker and survivor of depression, Charity Kennedy said some people could die out of otherwise curable conditions such as depression, adding that some people think that routine counselling is a waste of time.

Kennedy said the past dictates how people should handle their lives and frustration because no one was born either angry or violent, saying in order to overcome the challenges of widowhood, one has to find the root cause of such a grief. 

“We should develop coping mechanisms such as seeking professional counselling to address these problems. 

Don’t prolong anger because such a condition might develop into a mental problem such as the hyperbola disease.

We should always accept our weaknesses so that we do not repeat the very same mistakes that we did in the past because grief comes with a lot of things that one experienced in their past,” she added.

She advised that widowed persons should also descend into their secrets and reclaim their lives back and own up to their mistakes, adding that ‘healing is a choice and no one can force you into recovery’.

Participants shared real life stories as widowed women which were on point and wholeheartedly agreed that it was better to embrace pain than to shoulder it because pain was part of one’s life. 

They were also advised that they could still go into relationships or get married if they feel time is ripe, but they were cautioned to protect the legacy or inheritance of their departed loved ones not to be abused by their new partners. ENDS