05 Aug 2015

Source of Life and Motivators and Mentors counselor says premarital counseling is still lacking immensely though it is important to reduce differences in marriages. 

Gasegale Sengwaketse said this in an interview on the sidelines of the Serokolwane Wedding Expo held at Serokolwane Lawns recewntly.

The event, the first of its kind attracted various actors associated with wedding ceremonies and they displayed the products and services they offer, such as tents, event managers, food and catering companies and counseling companies among others. 

Sengwaketse said it has become apparent that most people are concerned about the wedding ceremony and forget the important issues that the couple would have to face after their big day.

She said it is important for the engaged couple to go through premarital counseling to avoid infighting in marriages, which often leads to divorce. She said one’s spouse should be their best friend whom they share most things with, something which is not happening in some unions. 

She said the high rate of divorce cases emanate from issues that would have been dealt with before tying the knot. She observed that some of the things that cause division of couples are minor things that couples fail to deal with.

Sengwaketse said issues that are common in most people being counseled include step family, such as one of the spouses failing to relate with step children, or the children failing to relate to the step parent. 

The counselor said family interference is another concern and said the couple should set boundaries so that the relatives know where to stop.

“As a couple you need your relatives, but it becomes a problem when they want to make decisions in your home. In some cases some parents want to spend most time in their married child’s home, they can visit but should not overstay their visit.” She added that visitations should not be one sided and said the couple’s home should be open to the man and woman’s relatives too.

Sengwaketse said as much as people have to work and make ends meet, people should try to balance career and family time. The counselor said some people spend 90 per cent of their time at work and expect their partners to understand that they are slaving away for them, something which she said is not healthy for marriage or any relationship.

She said people should have time for their families. The mentor said they also advise couples to test for diseases such as HIV/AIDS to ensure that they are not shocked by some revelations after taking an oath. She said sometimes couples take issues of health lightly . Sengwaketse said most of their clients are women and said that men are not keen yet they are also affected by marital problems. 

“Men are also affected by issues of infertility though it is usually blamed on women. Men need to know how to handle pressurising relatives concerning such issues.” She said counseling helps them on how to approach such issues. Sengwaketse said that people should do away with the notion that counseling is expensive and for certain people. 

She said problems affect all hence everyone needs counseling. She said there are entities that offer free counseling.

Sengwaketse said private counselors also render free services to certain groups in the society such as the orphans, the elderly and widows. She said some churches too offer such and said that this wing has to be strengthened to help marital issues. She appreciated their participation at the expo as people were keen to know more about their services. Ends