24 Jun 2021

Child experts say  fathers, like mothers, are pillars in a child’s emotional well-being.

Children look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional. An involved father promotes growth and strength to their children.

The Holy Bible in Ephesians 6:4: says on fathers and children, ‘Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,’ and Proverbs 1:8: says ‘Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.’

It has been proven that fathers absence contributes to most children growing into drugs and alcohol abuse, and other related social ills. According to Fathers.com an estimated 24.7 million children (33 per cent) have absent biological fathers.

Mr Desmond Lunga, Coordinator of Men and Boys for Gender Equality says, ‘Often, men leave at the knowledge that their partners are expecting, some because of fear, some because of not wanting responsibility.’ Mr Lunga said Botswana has many single parent households, mostly women led.

He said absent fathers report to have not been ready to father children, some are still present but parent periodically, whereas some abhor the Setswana culture of paying tlhagela and then run away for good.

Mr Lunga stated that the survey they carried out revealed that the generation of absent fathers is mostly from single parent families, saying most men belief that their partners would raise the children the way their mothers afforded them.

“We have identified this as a vicious cycle of men that never had present fathers and do not know how it is to take responsibility, and would also be absent fathers” said Mr Lunga.

He urged todays’ men to defy the odds not to be a generation of men that make a child and run away from their responsibility. Mr Lunga said instances where there is an absent father, most boy children especially with single female parents have bred weak, drama-queen, unstable, rough and disrespectful men.

He said most boy children need a father figure to be able to emulate when they have grown up, adding that in the olden days there was a traditional family structure of active extended family (uncles) who would play a role, but due to modernization change nowadays, things have changed and he therefore called on the real fathers to take full responsibility of their children.

Mr Lunga said in instances where parents of a boychild are no longer together, the father of the boy needs to take responsibility of the boy child regardless, to instill good manners and to mould, motivate. He stressed that moulding the character is a joint responsibility for both parents.

He said most parents especially where the father is absent, the mother often sit back and assume that because the child is male, he will figure his way out of problems, which in turn breeds men who are irresponsible and vulnerable.

Mr Lunga said the boychild, despite how society chooses to treat him, is still vulnerable, adding that therefore, should be handled with care to be afforded the life necessities including a wide spectrum of civil, cultural, economic, social and political rights.

He said if the boychild is guarded accordingly, there would be a generation with less crime, violence, and drug and alcohol abuse, there would be a generation of healthy and productive boys who would in turn make a positive contribution to society.

Mr Lunga stated that the financial support in which some absent fathers offer is not enough as a boychild needs ‘hands on’ for guidance to be a responsible man. “Irrespective of the separation or conflict between two parents, there’s no excuse for fathers not be in their child’s life” he stated.

Comparing with the girlchild he stated that a girlchild is taught right manners by their female parent, taught things such as cooking, cleaning and very important topic in life such as menstruation and body developments.

He urged men to have a personal relationship with their sons adding that for female parents to be the one advising is wrong and the boychild might not be open and free on certain discussions.

Mr Lunga therefore pointed out that values and a sense of character could be effectively impressed upon a young mind through teaching, explaining, and demonstrating, saying in that way, men could impart to a young man the true nature of manhood.

He said it was disheartening that the increasing number of absent fathers on the horizon had become not only a dilemma but a serious issue, especially on subjects such as socio-economic, morals, maturation of children, children development, relationships and replacement of fathers.

Meanwhile Mr Lunga applauded fathers that have sworn to take care of their children, saying there are single fathers out there who are doing a wonderful job of parenting.

He called on more men to step out and rekindle their relations with their children despite not having relationship with the other parent to the child, saying a present father would alleviate poverty put on women.

“A child is very expensive, from diapers, preschool, mopako, clothes” and some women are forced to stay home up to two years to take care of the child, because they cannot afford a helper if the father is a ‘dead beat dad’.

Mr Lunga further said there are times resentment and loneliness children feel due to having an absent father and a mother who is busy working twice as hard to make sure the child is taken care of. He stated that some such children grow up with misplaced anger, they would be more prone to violence. ENDS